Leftovers vs Potty Mouth

Okay, I would just like to share a few words on "potty mouth"...that's what I'd like to do but being verbose, it will probably get out of hand. Speaking of verbose (I'm slightly off track already), I just want you to know that I don't purposely use "big" words, I was just an only child with a marvelous mom who had a great vocabulary as well as a photographic memory. No, sad to say, I only got the photographic, not the memory so that means I can take great pictures but not remember squat.

Now, back to 'potty mouth'...my parents didn't use bad language around me, although outside sources were not so inhibited. Since I didn't like what I heard, I decided, as a teenager that, if those words didn't exist, what would I say? Leftovers! Yes, whatever was leftover would be mine to use (and you thought this just applied to those things growing into scary life forms in the back of our refrigerators).

Here comes a little story about this. My 'leftovers' might not have always been ideal, sad to say. To give some background first, to this tale of woe, let me say that my mom always mentioned that she was too easily influenced by the people she was around. There was one lady at work who used a bad word rather consistently and my mom was horrified to hear herself use it, so she avoided being around that woman, but it would have been a major challenge to avoid me. My choice of a bad word substitute was puke. Not too pretty, huh? Unfortunately, I also used it frequently, with my dismayed mother saying "Do you have to use that word? I just hate the sound of it."

Now my mom had this group of ladies she met with once every two or three months, a nice group of women who liked to get out and go somewhere nice together. They would all dress up and even wear white gloves. This time they chose to go to a dinner/theater where everything is ultra formal. Halfway through the meal, my mother spilled some water and yelled "Oh puke"...the other ladies were aghast, shocked and otherwise horrified, but my mother was the most appalled of all of them (boy did I get an earful the next day and learned to really cut back on saying that word).

Remember, only YOU can stop potty mouth (actually have done this even where I worked by just wincing and saying...whew, I sure don't like hearing that language.) Now just picture the below picture being in your mouth if you do say these things:

Okay, now it's time to be Tickled on Tuesday:

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Highway 401. Please be careful!"

"Darn," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

For those who like a little "corn" in their jokes:

A customer ordered some coffee in a café. The waiter arrived with the coffee. and placed it on the table. After a few moments, the customer called for the waiter.
'Waiter,' he said. 'There's dirt in my coffee!'
'That's not surprising, Sir,' replied the waiter. 'It was ground only half-an-hour ago.'

Of course, we must have a potty mouth joke too:

Dave's parrot was always using bad language, so he asked the vet how he could stop it. "Every time the bird swears, put it in the freezer for 15 seconds," advised the vet.

The next time the parrot uttered an expletive, Dave did as the vet said.

Then, feeling guilty, Dave opened the freezer.

Shivering, the parrot came out saying, "I'm sorry for all the bad language I've been using."

Dave was astounded at the sudden change.

Then the parrot said, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.), but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little guy came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, or what?"
The man replied, "I work for the IRS."

~~~Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of all the choices You give us, please help us to make wise choices.