Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord, take pity on me! If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish whiskey."Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"The man said, "I do, Father."The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?""Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.Then Father Murphy walked up to O' Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"O' Toole replied, "No, I don't Father."The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"O 'Toole retorted, "Oh, when I die, yes! I thought you were gettin' a group together to go right now."
Paddy was in New York . He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!""Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
A Boston Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Father, have you been drinking?""Just water," says the priest.The trooper asks, "Then why do I smell wine?"The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman..""Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "and how did this one end?""When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.""Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."
Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the balustrade, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place that he saw blood. Then Flynn hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and with Mary staring at him from across the room.She remarked, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing, Mary?""Well," Mary replied, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly......it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror!"
Can't forget to add some favorite blessings as well:
May your neighbors respect you,
Troubles neglect you,
The angels protect you,
And Heaven accept you.
May you have:
A world of wishes at your command
God and his angels close at hand
Friends and family their love impart,
And Irish blessings in your heart.
Well, the carrot cake with green icing is done and the green jello with pears is ready, now I need to go get the chicken and fry it in green stuff, then make the mashed potatoes green, of course the string beans are already green and the milk green........doesn't this sound yummy? Oops, almost forgot about the Irish soda bread and it's super special because my beloved mother gave this recipe to me and I no longer am blessed with her presence here on earth. The soda bread will have green stripes running through it. There will be pictures of all this to delight (or is fright?) you!!