Stop, Pause, Fast Forward

Alright, I think what I might need is something like this....

It feels as if things around here have been on 'fast forward' without all the things getting done that need to be done. Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were filled with so much to do that blog posting kind of fell by the wayside through it all. So maybe I really need to find...

IN the blur of things yesterday, my Michael actually had a vacation day which he spent going to the post office and getting a puzzle started (as a nice surprise for me). Meanwhile, I went with Kelly for her court date yesterday with rain and traffic being a real challenge as we headed toward Dekalb Recorder's Court. We rode around in circles for awhile trying to find it, then discovered we were too early so we sat in the car and looked at ad catalogues that i had left there from the mail (you know you are desperate for reading material when you are reading advertisements for entertainment!) Anyway, the good news and the slightly bad news is that Kelly's ticket (to which she is pleading not guilty) was not even in the system, so they told her to just watch the mail and if it comes in the mail she will have a new court date....

Now I need to get on the fast track as a week from today we will be in Phoenix, AZ with my son and daughter-in-law and two gorgeous grandchildren, Corbyn who is six and Myla who is three. Gotta do some puckering up exercising so my lips will be able to give enough kisses...so watch out dogs, cats and mostly Michael (can't kiss sweet Kelly as she is very sick with some sort of coughing and sniffling)...

This is what the Internet via Wikipedia, told me...

"To fast-forward means to move forward through an audio or video recording at a speed faster than that at which it would usually flow. The term "fasten forward" is also used instead of fast-forward.

To reach a certain portion of a song, a person may fast-forward through a cassette tape by pressing a button (often labeled "Fast Forward" itself) on the tape deck containing the tape. The tape deck's motor activates at a speed higher than usual—for example, double the standard 1-7/8 ips playing speed of the 1/8" cassette tape—and can be stopped by the end of the tape, the pressing of a "Stop" button on the deck (or another button mechanism disengaging the button), or simply lifting a finger from the "Fast Forward" button.

Fast-forwarding is the exact opposite of rewinding, in which tape, music, etc., are moved backward at a user's discretion. In either operation, because of sound distortion, volume is usually muted or severely reduced.

With the advent of inexpensive digital music media, fast-forwarding has most likely lost its past meaning related to the speed of a tape deck motor (or record turntable, or another device allowing fast-forwarding) and now may, especially as cassette tapes and other analogue media are used less and less by younger generations, only apply to the operation of moving ahead in a recording's time frame—accomplished today by simple clicking, dragging a slide image, or even via speech-recognition software. (Still, some CD and DVD players offer tape-style fast-forwarding, so that the user can detect when the destination is reached and stop.)"

And here are the jokes I found...

How fast was I going?

"When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least."

"You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old."
*********
What takes longer, running from first base ...
What takes longer, running from first base to second, or from second to third?

Second to third, because you have to go through a shortstop.
***************
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."
*************
Pilot Flying Rules

(These were supposed to be funny, but I made the mistake of reading them and I am no super hero when it comes to flying...why oh why do I read my own stuff?)

There is a lot pilots have to take into account when flying safely across the sky...
(This is the part where I want to interview the pilot and see how happy he is and sniff his breath as well.)

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
(What we need is an airplane freeway, where they can just stay on the ground and go this fast!)

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

(I'm not only not sure of what this means, but I don't want to know either.)

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
(So simple, so basic, did someone tell the pilot?)

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
(How about just wishing I was on a train instead?)

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
(How reassuring this is.)

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
(I'm going to take some extra fans on my trip just to be safe.)

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
(Personally I will hold onto my praying.)

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
(A good landing is also one in which most of the passengers have not wet their pants when they get off.)

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
(Hey, all we need here is to live through the flight...no learning about mistakes while flying, Mr. Pilot, please.)

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
(You also can tell if your breathing is returning to the rate of a horse on a racetrack).

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice-versa.
(I really enjoyed studying geometry and all those angles, but these are not so much fun.)

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
(Not too sure about this one either so it's just confusing and not scary at all.)

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
(WHO made this list up? Are they just wacko? They must love to drive the flying impaired people crazy.)

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
(Okay, now I think I will just give up on this sick individual who made up this list designed to make the most confident air traveler at least slightly queasy.)

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

24. The four most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, gas back at the airport, and a tenth of a second ago.

25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots.

~~~Thank You Lord for the blessings of all the things that we DO get done as well as for the fact that You are always with us, even in airplanes.