Friday, September 25, 2009

One long funny tale and some teeny tiny news and mushrooms again

I keep on trying to get some great mushrooms but I don't have much to work with here in Georgia...apparently only the fancy ones live in Wanda's neck of the woods, but the deluge from Atlanta that hit us, left some new mushrooms everywhere, even to the left of the front door (never happened before)...

How about this cluster of three...aren't they kind of cute and different?...

Here come new mushrooms all in a curve again....

It's a VERY long curve too....

Here's a close up of one of the flattened out topped ones...think I'll call them umbrella mushrooms...

This is a perky little guy, so I'll call him a button mushroom (the rest of his family is in the background)...

The news is that I am going out of town to see my grandson's next karate 'graduation' as well as to visit with my friend Cheryl and I will be back Monday. Our mutual friend Carolyn (and I ) will be taking one of the shifts that someone else couldn't take to stay with Cheryl. I'm bringing some books, magazines and few little surprise goodies for her.
If I was REALLY energetic, I could travel this way, but whoa, can you imagine how heavy all that stuff would be to pedal even a short distance?...

Even on a short trip, it seems you have to take half of the house with you. Years ago I heard some words of wisdom about traveling and it said to go ahead and pack and get your money ready, then go back, remove half of what you packed and then go back and double the money you are taking...

Except that he's much cuter and fluffier, this could be Oliver wanting to go along for the ride....

Our little stray tested positive for heartworms so we have her on the long term method of eliminating them (this is also the least expensive as well). She remains as sweet natured as ever and has yet to let out one teeny tiny growl even playfully. The cats are now walking past her and sticking their noses up at her as if she isn't a real dog! Good Lord willing the state of GA will pay for her to be spayed next Friday. The paperwork has been sent off and if the funds are there, we are good to go.
Since this is such a long funny story (and still will make you laugh your head off), I decided to try to keep this post short, so please enjoy...

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

Colonoscopy Journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle.. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said.. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

On the subject of Colonoscopies... Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3.. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay..'

And the best one of all:
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'
~~~Heavenly Father, thank you for the blessings of visits with loved ones and for little stray going through the heartworm medicine without ill effect today at the vets office.


  1. That was absolutely HILARIOUS! I have undergone one too last year, I almost had "huhoney" write a little note on the behind butt (hehe) decided on a smiley face instead! Yes he smiled....and off to lala land I went! The before horrible liquid you drink about a spiritual awakening! LOLOLOL

  2. Marcy....I hope that you have a safe and wonderful trip....take photos....lots of photos (I loved the ones of the mushrooms on your blog...and interesting how they are in a 'line' like that....kind of makes me shiver though....uhhh...I don't like to see them growing...but I like to eat them from a salad bar....or sauteed with onions....yummm.)
    Take care of you....and do have a safe trip there and back. Smiles to you from Jackie

  3. Marcy...I love Dave Barry...have one of his books...but had not read this yet..that's the best laugh I've had in some time and over such a serious very funny!

    Have a safe trip to see your grandson's karate graduation and to visit your friend. See you when you get back Marcy!

  4. Have a good trip, Marcy, I'm sure you'll enjoy your grandson's karate graduation, and I'm sure you will bring much joy and peace to your friend.

    I've heard that story before, it's very funny, and Ray had found it just before he was going for one! I never go! I shake my head 'yes' to the doctor when he tells me about all the tests I need to have and all the specialist I need to see, then I go my merry way and forget all about it!

    The cluster of three mushrooms must have known about your Irish roots because they look like a mushroom shamrock!

    Love to you and many prayers,

  5. Okay, I'm real excited for my next colonoscopy. Where do you ever find your stories? Some of those quotes were so funny, especially "Find Amelia Earhart yet?" Thanks for the humor on this Friday afternoon.

  6. Blessed trip!!

    I have never laughed so hard in my life!!! Well, that's not entirely true, but this is what I call (not my terminology, it's borrowed): hifreakinhilarious!!!

  7. Hoping you travels are safe and uneventful and your visit is a wonderful one.

    Thanks for allowing me to relive my colonoscopy! UGH! :)


  8. Oh my goodness, I'm laughing like crazy! Dave Barry is one of my favorites, and his story of the colonoscopy is one of his best. Since I've had the proceedure more then once...I can relate!
    Thanks as always for the gift of humor!
    Have a safe a great trip!!

  9. Hey been there done that....not funny at all for me but hilarious when it's someone else.
    Have a safe trip, but enjoy my friend....Hugs

  10. Oh Marcy! This was HILARIOUS! I am not done with laughing yet, and I will come back to read it one more time! Where do you get such brilliant stuff!!

    Here's wishing you a Happy Journey!

    P.S I am sorry I didn't turn up earlier. As always didn't manage my time too well. I'm sorry about that! Take care and loads of love :-)

  11. Ohmygoodness, Dave Barry cracks me up! I'm still trying to figure out how we got from mushrooms to colonsoscopies... but I loved the trip! Blessings on your travels and visits, Marcy! (Still praying for Cheryl!)

  12. Hi Marcy

    Thank you for my Sunday morning giggle! My poor Angus has had one of these invasions of dignity, poor lamb! Passed with flying colours which was a relief. Safe trip,

    Cheers - Joolz

  13. I liked the comment where he said he was getting rid of the food he hadn't even eaten yet .. that was funny! Have a safe and joyful trip. I know it means as much to your grandson, if not more, as it does to you to be there! I have found being a grandmother so rewarding and it fills my tanks every day! Be safe, be happy!


  14. Happy traveling to you, my friend.....
    I'll be rat cheer when you get back.
    I have my own colonoscopy story to tell you.......and in the end, I'll tell you... :))
    Smiles from Jackie

  15. have a super trip!!! And oh you poor thing!! that must have been quite an experience!!

  16. oh dear, i had to re read your post. i thought it was you that had the colonscopy!! I missed the line that said who it was - oops!

  17. Just dropped in to say "hi"!

    Happy mushroom-ing!

  18. Just stopping by to say I hope you're doing okay.
    I was wondering how things are working out with your little orphan.

    And I was thinking about you and your friend this weekend.
    I'm sure you were a comfort to her, and I hope it brought you some comfort also to be with her.

    In my opinion it's one of life's greatest heartaches, and one of life's most beautiful honors to be with a loved one as they move closer to Heaven.

    God Bless you both.
    Love and Prayers,

  19. I continue to keep your friend in my prayers.

  20. Not trying to be a pest here.
    'Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and hope that you are okay.
    Love and Prayers,
    PS ~ Look at little Charli on Carol's avitar, all dressed up in her Halloween finest! That will bring a smile to anyone's face!


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