A dose of mass chaos and confusion

Not only are there confusing answers to what I did professionally in Phoenix, AZ, but now the jokes all ended up in the middle of this post, so that is just so appropriate. So, if you want to end with a chuckle you have to start on the top, skip the middle, go to the bottom, then return to the middle...hey, this sounds like square dancing, maybe I missed my calling as a square dance caller??

The grand babies were adorable and fun and impossible to sleep with, although I did try, on a single bed with one child being a future invincible kick boxer !! I will down load my pictures later today and show you Julia's feet...don't think that would upset Ria!

Let's see if I can field these guesses and 'help' all of you. But, before you start feeling brain fried or challenged, let me tell you that I belonged to several network groups and there were times when many network groups would gather all together to help promote their businesses, so, for fun, I would go around the room asking these people (who were new to me), if they could guess what I did. Remember, these were people exposed to many different professions and businesses almost daily...and NONE of them ever guessed correctly until I gave them many hints!

Let me know when everyone wants to yell "Uncle" (or aunt is okay too) or ask more questions. You will be getting some GOOD hints today, though.

Angie guessed:

a gentlemen's barber - good one, as I do cut Michael's hair, but nope, no pay other than a kiss.

Eileen guessed and guessed and guessed....etc. (think we need to promote her to detective!):

Water Service Vendor? NO, but I did sell water.

Food Service Vendor? No, but I did use them, too.

Furniture Refinish/Repair? Nope, but I dust real well on occasion.

Shoemaker/Shoe Repair? Tried that Mend It stuff on my moccasin and it did NOT work, so no.

So, out of nowhere, here come the weird and wacko jokes, but you can skip or close your eyes:

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night.""Have you tried counting sheep?""That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

***

A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas Cards. "What denomination?" asked the clerk.
"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 30 Catholic, 10 Baptist ones, 20 Lutheran, and 40 Presbyterian."

***

Doctor: "Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?

"Nurse: "No change yet."

***

The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.

***

The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. "Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he typed. "Please send us two of them."

***

Classified classics

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Père Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Chopin and Jean de la Fontain.

For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

*****

Although we 'paused' here, Eileen is still going strong:

Installed Fireplaces or Wood Burning Stoves? Ironically, you're 'getting cold' with this one!

Caterer? Love to cook and bake, but only got paid with nice words.

Sushi Roller? Maybe rock and roller...nope.

Bulk Mailer? Did some of this once at a temp job, but no.

Refuse Collector? Some days that seems like ALL I do, but no.

Art Therapist? This has potential, but no.

Medical Taxi Service? Nope, just a mom taxi for a long time.

Tub/Shower Refinishing? Nope, just the unpaid cleaner here.

Translator? Would have loved this and have done it spontaneously or when asked...although I did use this skill on occasion in my job that you are guessing.

Crane Operator? Pity the poor person on the end of my crane...he/she would have a heart attack (unless they are fun loving, dare devil kind of people) and I would then faint!

Florist? Hmmm...love flowers, but didn't sell them except one time for a vendor who came by, but that was one time only.

Deodorant Distributor? Unfortunately I have been around some pretty 'ripe' people and would have liked to have distributed some deodorant then, but no.

A Bible Distributor? Have only contributed to have this done.

A Roto-Rooter Person? The only rooting I want to do is to plant the good ones and uproot the bad ones and leave that other mess to the people who can handle it!

A Waste Station/Water Treatment Worker? Does using a Brita water filter count?

A Toilet Paper Distributor? This I do locally as NO ONE in this household seems to know how to do this rocket science art!

A Chimney Sweeper? (I think someone already guessed that.)You maybe refilled ATM machines? We've never used our chimney, so no and I did refill the ATM when I worked in the bank in Georgia.

A Bread Distributor? (Oh, wait, 'Man does not live by bread alone'). I bake and buy it, but get no pay for it.

A Body Parts Procurer? (I guess if you had to also deliver them that would entail a bit of strength.) There are a few body parts on me that I would like to change out, but not at some one else's expense, so no.

Did you deliver whole bodies to labs for scientific research that all people would maybe benefit from? Does taking Michael to the hospital for his open heart surgery count?

Bernie guessed:

Watkins Lady" Okay, I'm clueless as I don't even know what this is, but I have always tried to be lady like!

Rebecca guessed:

Fuller Brush salesman. I have brushed and been brushed, but never sold a brush.

Carol guessed:

health aide or a nurse Only to family and friends in need...oops, can i get sued for malpractice, Carol?

Diana guessed:

deliver in home oxygen to the disabled and elderly Good one, but no.

Linda guessed:

some kind of home health care Again only to family and pets, so far.

Wanda guessed:

water filter installer Have done it on our kitchen faucet, but no...wait I did buy one for where I worked, for my business.

bottled water delivery Nope, but did have to pay the guy who delivered it.

furnace duct cleaner Good, but no.

tool rental co. No, but we did have LOTS and LOTS of tools. BIG hint here, folks!!!

massage therapist Would love to have one for everyday, although Michael does an excellent job.

Jerelene guessed:

work at a dinosaur museum Love going and have told people where something is in the museum, but they only paid me with a nice thank you (which was more than enough!).

~~~~For the many blessings of Your complex world that we try to make sense of, I thank YOU, Lord.